It took me a lot of time to get back to writing after my little dog Myrka was diagnosed with Cushing’s syndrome and passed away.
I usually publish a post every second Monday, but after she died, I found myself unable to write. No inspiration. Nothing! My friend Bren calls it the Blogging Blues.
A dry spell caused by grief
So I decided to wait. And then it hit me. I was ready. I wanted to write about her. Maybe it would help heal my heart. But that didn’t go exactly as planned.
I started to write my post, but the pain was so intense that I had to stop and take a break. I couldn’t even tell you, my readers, why I wasn’t publishing. I just couldn’t! And for that, I apologize.
But now, I know I’m ready to finish it. So I decided to post on a Tuesday instead of a Monday as usual, because today, over a month ago, Myrka crossed the Rainbow Bridge, on a Tuesday afternoon September 20th, at 3:30 pm.
What is Cushing’s syndrome
Also known as hypercortisolism, Cushing’s syndrome is when the adrenal glands produce too much of a hormone called cortisol.
This hormone controls the dog’s weight, helps fight infection, balance blood sugar levels and helps the response to stress.
This illness is discovered by witnessing some specific symptoms and can be confirmed by blood tests. Here are the symptoms that your dog can experience:
- Seems hungrier and thirstier than usual
- Pees more often, housebroken dogs may have indoor accidents
- Loses hair (alopecia) or it seems slow to grow
- Gets a pot belly
- Has thinning skin
- Seems very tired and inactive
- Pants a lot
- Gets skin infections
Why we chose not to treat her
Unfortunately, the treatment is very expensive and in old dogs like Myrka (she was 12 ½ years old), almost unlikely to succeed. So my husband and I decided not to put our darling girl to all of this and to deliver her from her suffering.
In the end, she was suffering a lot, and it was getting worse very fast. It broke our hearts to see her like this. And despite the fact that we couldn’t imagine our lives without her, it was time.
We could literally see her symptoms worsen before our very eyes. It was extremely painful and absolutely heartbreaking to watch.
Life with Myrka
We had a lot of rituals together. First, she always slept with us, I gave her treats when I got up and at bedtime. She always knew when it was time for her treats.
Also, we gave her some vegetables, especially cucumbers, broccoli, cauliflower, at dinnertime. Cucumbers were her favorite. She also loved cheese. The both of us always shared a piece of cheese in the morning.
Every aspect of our life was about Myrka being with us. For example, she followed me everywhere, and I loved to watch TV, write my blog posts or surf the net with her by my side.
The look on her little face when I came home from work was worth a million bucks. And she loved when I kissed her in the neck or on the cheeks.
Life after Myrka
These are only a few of the rituals we had the three of us. Getting back to a normal life after a pet dies can be very tough. Going to sleep without her is the toughest.
Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and look at the foot of the bed where she slept, expecting to see her there.
In our house, we consider animals part of the family, and she was definitely that. We still mourn her, and the void she left in our lives is real.
We still don’t know if we’ll have another dog, but for now, I can’t imagine having another dog but Myrka in my life, and I know that my husband feels the same way.
Learning to live without her
So for now, we just learn to live without her. I will take us a lot of time to do that, but even though we’ll get there, we’ll never forget her.
She was extremely intelligent and understood more words than most dogs. She was a very special dog and a faithful friend.
We lost her so quickly that we didn’t have the chance to realized what was going on. That’s probably what I find the most difficult to accept. It happened too fast.
On the other end, I’m grateful that she didn’t suffer too much and for too long. And that’s what keeps me going forward.
But that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss her terribly. I miss her every second and having to let her go was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my life.
I’m totally aware that it took me a really long time to get back to writing. I probably lost a few readers along the way, but the pain was too severe, I just couldn’t. I hope you can understand that! Writing about her was way too painful to handle.
I feel angry and sad at the same time that she didn’t get to live a few years more. But at the same time, I feel blessed that we got to have this amazing dog in our lives. She was truly the perfect dog. At least, for us.
Thank you for giving me the chance to explain why I was kinda MIA these past few weeks. I really appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.