Each year, it’s the same old story. People are setting up resolutions ~ or goals whatever you want to call them ~ and every year, most of them will fail, setting back into their old habits.
What we don’t know is that there’s one thing we need to do before even thinking about setting new goals. This thing is crucial because if we don’t, we will fail badly again and again.
Why I don’t make resolutions anymore
Before, I was like everyone else. I was making a list of resolutions and each year, I was giving up after a few days or maybe a few weeks if I was trying real hard.
You see, I don’t like to have restrictions if it’s not absolutely necessary. And if my heart is not really in it, I’ll give up very quickly.
I prefer to call them goals and work at them over time rather than having to do something right away. Otherwise, I just feel trapped!
So after a few years, I just gave up resolutions altogether. Why making a foot-long list of resolutions if I’m not going to do them all? And that’s why I don’t make resolutions anymore.
But maybe I was doing something wrong after all. Maybe there was something I wasn’t doing first and that’s why I wasn’t succeeding.
What you need to do first if you really want to succeed
Whether you’re thinking of them as resolutions or goals, there’s something that you have to do beforehand. First and foremost, you have to reframe your goals.
What it means is that sometimes, people make the same resolution over and over and they start to feel ashamed for not succeeding.
Trying harder to get it accomplished is not the solution. You have to forgive yourself for failing and begin to feel self-compassion. I’m sure that you think that it’s easier said than done, but it can definitely be done.
However, there are specific steps that you have to follow to get there. Here they are:
1. Identify your discontent and explore it with compassion, not shame: This first step can be the most difficult to achieve. Search within yourself to pinpoint the exact thing that makes you fail and approach it with compassion and love.
You have to be able to forgive yourself for feeling ashamed and stuck. Self-reflection can require a lot of patience, courage and it can take time.
Sometimes, you tend to think that you are in control because you’re ashamed when actually, this is the opposite.
2. You have to forgive yourself: While the first step is the hardest, this one is the most important. Forgiving yourself is the key for getting passed the place where you are stuck. But be prepared to get shaken up.
Also called “shame-busting,” this phase is different for everyone, and it will make you face your demons. So, maybe you’ll need outside help.
Don’t be afraid to reach out for it! It can become painful and could be full of emotional baggage. Some personal support can make a big difference.
Shame-busting asks for 2 things; recognition of what’s happening and willingness to change or reshape it in a more self-loving way. You’ll also have to think of all the things you’re telling yourself about why, when and how you got where you are.
Just don’t forget that those stories are totally subjective and can be altered to help you heal and be closer to your goals.
3. Ask yourself “What if all of this was a gift?”: Maybe you’ll think this last step is crazy, but everything happens for a reason, and it can help you be more aware and emerge stronger than ever.
On the other hand, being stuck has served a purpose that you need to discover. Failing has protected you from something that you weren’t ready to handle yet. By uncovering it, you will then be ready to move on and succeed at your goals.
You also have to ask yourself why you had this habit that you want to change. This habit will have to be replaced by a healthier habit with an equal pleasurable feeling.
Otherwise, you’ll feel too much stress and will definitely fail. You’ll be like a junkie without his fix. It will leave you with an emptiness inside and the next thing you’ll know, you will go back to your old habit.
So now you see why failing can be seen as a gift and not a curse. Maybe it has prevented you from having to deal with something else, and this is what you need to discover to be able to go on.
What you have to remember from all of this is that there’s always a reason for failing. And by forgiving yourself and being compassionate towards yourself, you’ll be able to uncover the truth about why you haven’t been able to realize your dreams.
By doing so, you’ll then be able to move forward and begin the work that needs to be done. Only then, you’ll be able to reach your goals and change what you wanted to change in your life.
Over to you
You have ever given up on your goals because you couldn’t succeed? Or did you find what was preventing you from succeeding and then finally realized your dreams? Please, share your experiences in the comment box below!